I Just Called to Say, I’m Sorry

sorry callTwo apologies in one day, well that’s the fast moving world of cyberspace. Well, more a case of how slow is real life compared to the potential short attention span that the web let’s us become obsessed with. And I’m sorry I can’t feed the monster at the speed I want; because I know that people out there are ready to devour the slightest morsel, and I have over a hundred unfinished/unpublished posts.

I’m not ready to criticise those who spend much of their time connected online, sometimes it is a generational thing, others use it as a way to distract themselves from a life that is somehow unfulfilled without a constant distraction. Others find the constant barrage numbing and fatuous.

That difference in pace can make for troubled relationships. I’m not sure if there is a link, but my opinion is that the web feeds the extroverts amongst us, with constant flows of data and soothes the introverts as it allows them to control the rate of exposure to interactions without appearing anti-social.

That is all well and good if we can accept our differences. However, he danger is that all this hinders our socialisation and we fail to realise that everyone else is not the same as ourselves. We lose sight of the reality of the five languages of love and other subtle differences that we should celebrate as we try to turn every relationship we have into a homogeneous reflection of ourself.

I’ll drop in the reference if I can find it; someone once said that cities have taught us how to be intolerant. In cities, of which cyberspace is the largest, we can seek out and surround ourselves with people like ourselves with no need to tolerate someone else’s opinion, politics, religion, dress sense, humour, etc. When you live in a village or small town you have to tolerate these things because there is an economic reality required for being tolerant.

The internet, no fault divorce, maintenance payments and the other economic support provided after a marriage breakdown are just a microscopic reflection of that cultural paradigm. There is no social or economic pressure to learn or be tolerant, you can escape a relationship with less effort than it takes to stay in it (see Efrat’s cloud).

The choice of paradigm is ours. We need to check to see if the one we are living by best leads us to happiness; married or not.


I Used to be Indecisive, Now I’m Not…

confused quote

So much so I’ve changed the title, changed the first paragraph and changed how I feel many times. A bad thing or a good thing? Read on and let me know what you think.

The little blurb above is because I just couldn’t bring myself to start with “I’m sorry”. It is a reflection of all of life that I feel genuine regret in not posting something worth reading to that small band of followers I have. I don’t really know any of you, yet I feel a real sense of responsibility to giving you something to think about.

With a family and pets, what seems like 2 jobs and the impending holiday season I just haven’t had time to commit “pen to paper”. The reality is that I have also chosen to prioritise keeping my marriage together over writing for other people. That creates some friction with my self image, with the selfish desire to maintain, well save to be honest, my marriage, rather than pass on my experiences to others save their relationships.

Maybe I just don’t have the flowery words to describe the contradictory waves of emotion I feel about life being almost too much for me. Love, fear, depression, sadness and even joy; how do you put that rush of feelings that shift and slide minute by minute? I read some blog posts and you can feel the single-minded emotion behind it. At the moment I can’t get it all in one place because I stumble from one feeling to another in moments; at least three times in the time it has taken write this paragraph.

At the best I am letting everyone down by being less than I can. You the reader, my wife, my customers, my friends and my children all get less than I can give at my best.

I am working to get my act together and that is the reason for this blog. It is about getting what I know and learn out there for other people to avoid the mess I’m in; even if that means fighting a whole social trend. I may not be able to practise what I preach here 24/7, but that is half the point.

I’ll keep writing if you keep listening…