Your Age ÷ 4 plus 10.5 Years

slide-rule-math-ageMuch is made by my friends that have returned to the dating game in mid-life of the half your age plus seven rule.  Simply put anyone that is less than half your age plus seven is likely to have too little life experience in common with you and make a last relationship difficult.  You can also reverse the rule and subtract seven from your age and then double it and someone older than that will have too little in common with you.

I am talking about long term (romantic) relationships here.  Friendships and lust are totally different matters.  Those are not designed for rules.

Much is made by these men; generally the women don’t seem to speak this line of thinking out loud; of how young a partner they can “realistically” pursue.  Now, being just a bit nerdy, this got me thinking about how much competition that puts you up against.  Let’s face it, why is an attractive 40 year old woman going to choose a 66 year old man over a 27 year old “toy-boy”? [See the table below for your available age range].

If you want to find the age of your youngest “acceptable” rival divide your age by four and add ten and a half.  (Does the title make sense now?)  In truth, most have found they end up with someone a few years different in age from themselves and the young at heart have stretched it too a decade.

Okay, this is just a bit of fun for the festive season, but if you find yourself back in the dating game at any age you might use this to open your eyes to more possibilities than you think.  When we are looking for a life companion we look for someone near us on the journey of life; and I’m not sure 40 to 66 is good; whether it fits the rule of not.

DISCLAIMER: This guidance does not guarantee success (or failure) in a relationship.  You’re responsible for that; and I’ll clean up my own mess.

Youngest Your Age Oldest
15 16 18
16 18 22
17 20 26
18 22 30
19 24 34
20 26 38
21 28 42
22 30 46
23 32 50
24 34 54
25 36 58
26 38 62
27 40 66
28 42 70
29 44 74
30 46 78
31 48 82
32 50 86
33 52 90
34 54 94
35 56 98

Up Your Own RAS

Everyone is; that is up their own RAS.  Your RAS, Reticular Activating System affects the way you view the world.  Wikipedia  only gives the most basic idea of the potential of this part of the brain.

This part of brain filters what notice.  Simple things like filtering out background noise; the fact you’re wearing clothes (did you notice them now?) and what pings out emotions.  Many methods of self improvement work on reprogramming this part of the brain.  A successful change in a relationship needs the same push.

I could spend some time going on about this, but let’s keep it simple.  When you start a (romantic) relationship you plug the RAS to see all the good in the “love of your life”.  This positive feedback loop keeps you “in love”; then life happens.

The emotional planets align and your significant other does something that cause the RAS to subtly reprogram.  This can be a simple as the slow down in the relationship and falling back to our default love language which doesn’t resonate with the other person.  Before long the only thing we see are triggers that set us off to see the bad/worst in the person we loved.

Sometimes this is a good thing; you know, those people that you were madly in love with that we really shouldn’t have been.  Sometimes its a bad thing, we leave someone we love because we can’t get past the negative waves that hit us day after day.

We can change this negative loop, if we want.  I’ll come back to that in another post; but for the impatient search the web for “psycho-cybernetics”.  It’s not as hocus-pocus or rocket science as it sounds.  It started from getting people to feel good about their plastic surgery and is the core of much “self-help” and CBT.

 

PS: Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

PPS: For those of you looking for a less religious motif: Have a Happy Festive Season and a Prosperous New Year