It all starts with a Kelly Clarkson song, Maybe, which can be found on Youtube if you don’t know it. Like so many songs it is a song about the human condition of love. The part that appeals to me is that the lyrics talk of not being broken and not needing to be found.
Why do those appeal? Wanting to be loved is not about needing to be rescued from misery; although a life without love can be lonely. That is part of the confusion both in those seeking and those offering “love”. We have so confused love with infatuation that we think love is just about a single romantic partner; Hollywood style.
We see people that are alone and think they must be lonely and unloved. However, they may be loved by their friends and more than happy without a romantic partner. Those people are probably more common than you guess; just as the lonely people in romantic relationships are more common than you think.
So what are the maybe’s? Maybe you should stay and try harder. Maybe you should realise that something is broken in a relationship that just can’t be fixed. I know it may seem a surprise to hear me say that, but sometimes people can’t get past traumas in relationships. It can be effectively impossible for people to let go of the anchors and habits that they have caused. The hard part is to walk away even when you care about the other person; dare I say even love them. When you can’t find the way to communicate it can be hard.
Maybe when you go to love someone you won’t try to fix them because they’re not broken. Maybe you’ll love them because you want to add to them; they are not a project to fix. Maybe you’ll accept them for what they are; and I mean quirks not psychopathic tendencies. The people that do this are often “the oddest couples” and you hear people say, “why does she let him do that?” Or vice versa. It can be about love and letting the person reach higher up their personal hierarchy of needs and not about fulfilling your own. It’s about love going out and not about sucking love in. Maybe, just maybe you could be happy, too.