Alpha Porn – It’s NOT Romance

fighter_pilotMost women will tell you they have no interest in porn, rather they’ll tell you they’re interest in romance novels.  50 Shades of Grey, like a few others before it, is rather a fly in that ointment, but they’ll say its about the developing love story behind it all, how she saves him and he becomes better person.

Ladies, let’s be clear here; you are in denial.  None of this is about her saving him, it’s about her being coveted by the big scary alpha male.  Look at Twilight and so many other “bad boy” romances.  They have nothing to do with romance, care, protection or the females interests other than being linked to the alpha male of the story.

Wuthering Heights, Gone with the Wind, and so many more, the male protagonist is an outright [censored].  However, that’s all forgiven because (eventually) he’ll be good to the heroine women you fantasize about being.  All that matters is that this powerful male is there to protect the woman of (your) his dreams, no matter how he treats the world.  And he is so powerful that he can overcome every obstacle life throws at him in the future, so it will be ‘happily ever after’.

So, gents, if you lady is consuming ‘romance novels’, saturating herself in tv shows like Vampire Diaries (there are many more, so that is not a specific dig) then you are in trouble.  Your lady sees you as second rate and will trade you in the instant an alpha shows interest.  They’ll tell you its all about love.

That last paragraph sounds harsh, it’s meant to be.  Women expect those alpha males to maintain fidelity and other social norms if she is with him, rather than chase his opportunity to sow his genes in as many places as possible.  That adherence to ‘biology’ is unacceptable, but if a woman feels to pull to “trade-up” then it is all about love.

And arriving at some advice via a very tortured route.  Sure, there is biology at play here, men and women don’t stop being attracted to other men and women when they commit to a relationship.  What is important, especially for women, is to realise that our “need for love” stands above that and if we follow the pull of biology then we can be throwing away happiness at a higher level because you are letting “animal” in you over value the here and now, without placing value on what is to come.

 

If you want some background on what is mixed up in this post try:

Sexual Market Value

Alpha Male Traits  (although I’d watch out for some that and might read this instead)

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (think of reproduction and sex, as well as protection, when a woman wants an alpha)

About Love

This post is just a beautiful summary of the difference between Romance and Love. I know, I know, I do a lot of talking about sex, but all in the context of Love. what happens is too many relationships get lost because we have come to expect Romance and her 2-by-4.
Are you in Love or blinded by Romance?

Half Way Down the Bunny Trail

IMG_7622A while ago, Sue had an epiphany about me.

“Love will never find you while you’re on this dating quest,” she emphatically stated.

“I know,” I emphatically agreed.

We were both drinking wine.

***

I’m officiating a wedding this weekend for a friend I’ve known since we were nineteen. She calls me the HIgh Priestess and wants me to wear butterflies in my hair. She wants me to talk about love.

It’s a huge topic. At once simple and elegant. Unavoidable, yet hard to find. It’s bigger than all of us, but within us all. A magic trick. Fairy dust. A winking glamour who hovers in corners, saucy enough to tease us with her smile, blithe enough to appear when we least expect her, and when we need her most.

Love has a close cousin Romance, who is well-meaning, though very competitive. She likes sports and though she says she’s…

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